


Bonfire Bunny Funeral

by LunaStarSeeker



Category: Hermitcraft RPF, YHS - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Grian is sad bc he didnt get to stab sam, It's e x a c t l y what it sounds like, Taurtis and Grian burn their own wills, The YHS crew will be terrible OOC bc ive only watched like two episodes of YHS, YHS crew causally break a few laws, a dumpster fire to be exact, a funeral for a rabbit that hosts a giant fire, and then burn it all, as in they play kahoot for sam's stuff, as well as the body, blame hermitblr not me, by fake swears i mean like "frick" and "heck", everyone eggs them on, hermitblr came up with this entire thing, i jut put it together, i know they're not fake i meant like less string swears, its all fun and games, its only not here cause im unfortunatly christain, its very bittersweet, jokes on them grian already has a therapist, pretend there's swearing and alcohol bc that was mention lots in the tumblr posts, so there will be koolaid and fake swears instead, techno and dream killing sam will only make sense if u know thw worship AU, the entire fic is the hermits being really concerened for grian, the hermits are concerened, the hermits cannot speak japanese except grian, these tags are a mess, this entire fic is a mess, this is important, trust me - Freeform, turns out through that techno and dream killed the bunny bish, two lesbians beat sam's corpse with a stick, until someone eats sam's ashes, very concerned, which is never mentioned again, which they stole btw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25658809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaStarSeeker/pseuds/LunaStarSeeker
Summary: Sam died. Grian invited the jungle crew (minus stress bc i have no clue how to write her) to the funeral.Long story short, the YHS crew stole the body and the FUNeral is held under a bridge.The Hermits are very concerned.@detriotbecomemerlin (tumblr) and @give-grian-rights (tumblr) came up this this AU, props to them! Almost none of the events are original, but dont worry I have permission.
Relationships: Taurian if you squint
Comments: 68
Kudos: 527





	1. Chapter 1

Grian was just chatting with Mumbo and Iskall when his communicator dinged.

_Xisumavoid: Hey Grian? Do by any chance know someone named "Taurtis"?_

_Grian: Yes, why?_

_Xisumavoid: He's here to see you, no clue how he broke into the server._

Grian already had taken off, Mumbo and Iskall following him due to his abrupt takeoff. It only took a minute or two to reach the shopping district, Grian swooping down in front of the town hall where four people stood. Scar, Xisuma, Etho, and...

"TAURTIS!!!" Grian squealed, tackilng him in a hug.

Taurtis laughed, hugging him back. "Missed ya too."

Xisuma cleared his throat. "Um, I have one question. How did Taurtis get into the server?"

"Same way I did, watcher stuff." Grian answered, helping Taurtis to his feet. "Anyways, what brought you here? I thought we agreed..."

"He's gone." Taurtis said calmly.

" _Him?_ "

"Yes."

"Bunny boy?"

"Uh huh."

"And by gone you mean..."

"Demised. Expired. On the road to Hell."

Grian put a hand over his mouth, his eyes tearing up. "There's no way. Who... What.... No, I must be dreaming. Right?"

"You're not dreaming, Gri. Sam's dead." Taurtis gave him a small smile. "For good this time."

Grian couldn't help it, he pulled Taurtis in for another hug and sobbed into his shoulder.

Iskall, Mumbo, Scar, and Xisuma watched, not sure what to say or do. From what it seemed, Grian had just lost a friend.

Grian sniffled and rubbed the tears out of his eyes. "So, the funeral, right?"

"Mhm. Almost as planned. It's tomorrow night, we'll meet you at the airport portal. Dress normally, but bring your old uniform. Oh, and you can bring some friends if you wish." Taurtis explained. "Also, don't forget to drop by the family and get-"

Grian hugged Taurtis again. "The Will. I know, I'd never forget. I'll se you at the airport then." Grian gave Taurtis one last hug before Taurtis stepped back.

"I'll see you tomorrow! Then we can have a proper reunion." Taurtis called out before poofing away.

_Taurtis left the game_

______________________

Grian wiped his face on his sleeve and turned to his friends. "Would you guys like to come with me to the funeral?"

Mumbo gave Grian a hug. "Of course we will. I can't imagine how hard this is for you."

"I'm in as well, gotta support my fellow architect." Iskall added.

Scar also agve Grian a hug. "We're here to support you Grian."

"All of us." Xisuma finished, patting Grian's shoulder awkwardly.

Etho nodded. "Hermits support Hermits."

"Thanks so much guys." Grian said, smiling. "This means a lot to me."


	2. Chapter 2

Scar, Iskall, Etho, Mumbo, and Xisuma were waiting by the portal when Grian hopped back through, stuffing a peice of paper in his backpack. "Alright, time to go!"

"Already?" Mumbo glanced at his watch.

Grian nodded, leading the four hermits through the portal.

____________

A short trip through the nether hub later, and they arrived at the portal to YHS.

Grian turned to his friends "A few fair warnings, it is a hardcore world so Iskall you're in charge of keeping Mumbo safe. Also, there is one thing you should _never_ say here. 'Goofing and gaffing'. That can and will get you a punch in the face. You'll probably find out why in a bit." And with that, Grian hopped through the portal, the hermits following suit.

____________

"You made it!" Taurtis cheered, running up the stairs to pull Grian into a hug. "You brought the stuff, right?"

"Mhm! And some friends as well." Grian guestured to the Hermits behind him. "So, I'm guessing you have something special in mind for the funeral."

Taurtis nodded. "I'll tell you on the way."

The group made their way off the "airplane" and made their way onto the road.

"The rendevous is the bridge near our old place." Taurtis said, picking at his wristbands.

Grian hesitated for a sec. "Let's take the long route."

"Really? Why not the shortcut or the regular route?" Taurtis asked.

Grina rolled his eyes. "Well, I got into a shootout on the shortcut and the regualr route wa-"

"Wait, timeout." Iskall made a T with his hands. "You got into a _what!?_ On a _hardcore world!?_ "

Grian smiled sheepishly. "It's... complicated." He turned back to Taurtis. "Anyways, the regular route was where we almost died in that crash, if you remember."

"The one on Halloween? Where I passed out from the knife wound while driving?"

"Bloodloss sucks, right?"

"Agreed."

Scar, Mumbo, Iskall, Etho, and Xisuma listened to the story in confusion. What the absolute _HECK_ happened in Grian's teenage years?!

The conversation was cut short by a brown-haired guy on a bike riding up to them. "Hey Taurtis, the first part's almost done. We'll be at the rendevous before you guys, that is if Sam's dad finally finishes his euology."

"Great, we'll see you there." Taurtis answered.

The boy glanced at the group, lighting up a bit. "Oh, Grian! You made it! I'm gussing these are your friends, right?"

"Yep!" Grian nodded. "Good to see you again Domrao."

The boy rolled his eyes with a smile before riding back off.

The rest of the walk continued in comfortorable silence. At least for Taurtis and Grian. The other Hermits were still a bit wary.

Eventually they came to a tall apartment building, Taurtis pulling out a key. "Since we're here, we migy as well grab your stuff before Kahoot. Don't want your belongings getting tossed in the fire be accident." Taurtis adressed Grian, who nodded seriously.

"Uh... Kahoot? Fire? Did we... Miss something?" Scar asked nervously.

Grian laughed. "Oh, no, not at all! The kahoot thing is a long story, has to do with our bunny boi's will."

The hermits decided not to question the dead. Or an eerily excited Grian, for that matter. Seriously, his mood seemed to have gotten much happier since Taurtis initaly told him about his friend's death.

Weird.

Anyways, Taurtis ducked inside, returning with a box full of miscallaneous things, the typical "Grian Rubbish" as well as a journal and a pair of glasses.

"You wore glasses?" Xisuma sked curiously.

Grian laughed nervously. "Yeah, but I switched to contacts a long time ago. No big deal."

Taurtis poked his head around the corner. "We're somehow late, they've already begun the initial fire."

"Oh crap, let's get going then!" Grian quickly stuffed the box of stuff in his inventory andran ahead, seeminly excited.

Mumbo made the mistake of bringing Grian's strange mood up. "Hey Grian?"

"Yea?"

"Uhm... I don't mean to sound rude but... We're going to a funeral. Why are you so... Happy?"

There was silence for a few seconds as the group approached the bridge. Grian answered as they pushed through the bushes, cheerful chatter coming from the other side.

He turned back and shrugged. "Guess you'll have to find out."


	3. Chapter 3

The funeral area was... well there was no words. A fire indeed sat in a corner, a few odd items already burning away. A black coffin was sitting open on a table, where two girls were repeatedly whacking the body inside with sticks, a couple other people cheering them on.

A podium was on the other side of the clearing, Taurtis walking up to it calmly and calling everyone's attention.

"Alright guys! Everyone's here! Sookie, Soul, I know you guys want to keep defacing the corpse, but we have other events planned. Time for eulogies, if they even matter!" Taurtis announced. "Who wants to go first, if anyone does want to go?"

Nobody spoke up for a good few seconds before Grian volunteered. Taurtis nodded and Grian and him switched places.

Grian cleared his throat. "So, Sam. He was a good friend, and I'm so sad he's go-"

The guy from earlier, Dom, interrupted him. "He forced you to dress up like Taurtis and made you eat plastic!"

One of the girls, presumably Sookie, spoke up. "He also clipped your wings for crying out loud!"

"It's called sarcasm guys!" Grian retorted.

Mumbo and Scar exchanged nervous and confused looks. Seriously, what was going on?"

Grian coughed. "Anyways, that concludes my eulogy. Time for the bonfire?"

"First we have Sam's will." Taurtis held up a piece of notebook paper. "We all remember how he wanted us to play kahoot for his stuff?"

Grian perked up. "Oh yeah! We have enough phones and devices to go around, right?"

"Yep!"

It took a bit to set up, but eventually everyone was sitting in a circle, each with a device that connected them to the kahoot. The hermits were eternally confused, but decided not to question anything.

Soon the kahoot started, Taurtis being the host.

_Question 1:_

_Who is my best friend?_

_A. Taurtis_

_B. Grian_

_C. Jerry_

_D. Taurissa_

"Oh good lord." Grian groaned. "Why did I expect anything different?"

Dom scoffed. "This is a trick question. From Sam's view they're all the same person."

Grian glared at him. "We don't talk about that."

_Question 2:_

_Who is my girlfriend?_

_A. Taurissa_

_B. Sookie_

_C. Yuki_

_D. Salex_

Grian and all the non-hermits began retching, Sookie hurriedly telling the Hermits to pick Yuki so the question could get over with.

_Question 3: What's the name of my bear?_

_A. Mr Snugglemuffins_

_B. Mrs Cupcake_

_C. Loki_

_D. I don't have a bear_

"Are we playing to win it or burn it?" Grian asked.

"Burn it. Definitely burn it." Taurtis answered.

Soul shrugged. "Actually I already did. It smelled horrible."

_Question 4: What is my dad's name?_

_A. Pete_

_B. Karu_

_C. Stanley_

_D. Rowan_

Dom snorted. "All wrong, Sam's dad is Satan."

_Question 4:_

_What's my favorite food?_

_A. Plastic_

_B. Tomatoes_

_C. Potatoes_

_D. I don't have a favorite food_

Mumbo frowned. "Who would eat plastic?"

All the non-hermits pointedly glanced at Grian who scowled. "Sam would've killed me and you know it."

_Question5: What am I to you?_

_1\. Awesome_

_2\. Your bestest friend_

_3\. The amazing cool guy you wished you dated_

_4\. All of the above_

"No you were a butthole." Dom stated.

Sookie and Soul nodded. "Also a stalker."

"A bully too!" Silly added.

"My worst nightmare." Grian deadpanned.

Soon the final ranking came in.

Most of the hermits got last, but the top three were Grian, Taurtis, and somehow Xisuma.

Taurtis tore up Sam's will. "Now taht's that's done, it's time for the competition!"

"Competition?" Xisuma asked nervously.

Grian nodded. "The top three each get a third of Sam's stuff and burn it, whoever gets the largest fire has the honor of burning Sam's body. Looks like you get to join me and Taurtis."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Took me two months BUT I DID IT.

Xisuma might not have known Grian's past, but judging by the whole funeral so far, Sam must've been a terrible person.

He decided he wouldn't take away the probable pleasure of burning the body from Grian, so he opted to intentionally keep his fire slightly smaller than the other two.

While the three were slowly adding more and more items to their respective fires, Dom had started handing out Kool-Aid. The brown-haired guy complained that Alcohol would've been better for the occasion, but when asked why, had a shocking answer. At least to the hermits.

"Grian's a recovering alcoholic, along with a few others here."

Etho raised an eyebrow. "Grian used to drink?"

Grian snorted, tossing a pair of socks into his fire. "About halfway through high school I realized I probably wouldn't survive sober."

"Huh."

"So, you're Etho, right?" Dom asked.

Etho nodded.

"That's a really cool cosplay. Did you dye your hair? And are those contacts?"

Etho laughed. "Natural hair color. Natural eye color too. Got the scar in my old world. After a while I just decided to just embrace the coincidental look."

"Awesome."

Mumbo, on the other hand, was standing a few feet away from the bigger group. "Iskall isn't this illegal?"

"What else is new." Iskall answered.

"We're criminals Iskall!"

"Welcome to the club Mumbo."

Some time passed, the YHS crew swapping stories to catch us as the Hermits tried to piece together what they could. At one point Scar asked Grian what else was planned.

"Well, after we burn the body, we're gonna pack some of the ashes into a firework and set it off. Then we're gonna run before the cops come and settle down at someone's house. I'll probably make dinner, and then I and Taurtis have a thing we gotta do. Afterwards it's really just whatever happens, happens. Tomorrow morning we're gonna flush the rest of Sam's ashes down all the toilets in the city we have access to."

Scar let out a nervous laugh. "Well, I'll leave you to it."

"Hey, how did Sam kick the bucket anyways?" One of the girls - Soul, probably - asked.

Taurtis answered. "I found his body in an alley. Some lucky fellow stabbed him to death. Funny enough, when the autopsy was done, they found traces of a slowness potion in his system as well as some glass shards in his hair."

"Sounds like he got hit in the head with a splash and got properly hunted down. Serves him right." Grian responded, taking a step back as his fire flared up. "Oh I think I just won."

"Ha!" Taurtis also took a step back. "Lucky."

Grian snorted. "You can have the honors of putting his ashes in a water bottle."

"Yay."

"Grian, we got a situation." One of the YHS crew called.

Over by the podium thing, a couple of the YHS guys were starting to roughhouse a little. Grian promptly marched over, his face morphing into a stare that was very much unlike Grian. The other people there stood back as Grian stopped.

"We don't want any trouble now, do we."

Grian's voice was low and intimidating, sending a temporary chill over the area. The guys fighting immediately apologized and Grian grinned, clapping his hands together with a happy "That's settled!" and walked back to his fire.

"Note to self." Scar muttered under his breath. "Don't get on Grian's bad side."


End file.
